Today you walked along your path, climbed up another step.

Today you opened up a door, a day I’ll not forget.

 

You dressed yourself in uniform, I helped you with your tie,

You buttoned up your blazer as I turned to dry my eye.

 

Your smiling face gave me a strength I thought I’d never find,

Your beaming smile filled up my heart, bursting full of so much pride.

 

You led us through the playground, so sure of where to go,

You stood and waited happily, this so right for you, I know.

 

So hard it was to let you go, to join another world,

So hard for me to watch you grow into another child.

 

Stood in line, so confident, you smiled, your head held high,

Stood in line so patiently waiting to reach up for the sky.

 

Your class all looked so nervous but not you, you lit the way,

Your class unsure of where to go, you sat down straight away.

 

So lucky they all are to have your sunshine light their world,

So lucky they all are to have my precious rainbow child.

 

And now it’s time for you to go wherever your path may lead,

And now it’s time for me to wait, to guide you should you need…

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Stay a while my little one, my arms will hold you tight.

Stay a while my little one, I’ll watch you sleep all night.

 

Let’s talk some more about your plans, an Astronaut you say?

Let’s walk some more, across the fields, let’s watch the lambs at play.

 

Wait a while my precious one, this life moves all too fast.

Wait a while my precious one, how can this moment last?

 

Give me a moment , one more day, we’ll read your book of Space,

Give me a moment, one more night to kiss your sleeping face.

 

Stop a while my Angel boy, a story I will read,

Stop a while my Angel boy, you go at such a speed.

 

Let me have a moment more, before you take your path,

Let me have a moment more to listen to you laugh.

 

Sit a while, my little boy, tell me all your thoughts,

Sit a while my little boy, I’m feeling out of sorts.

 

Your long awaited journey is about to start, too soon,

Your adventure of your lifetime, reach high and touch the Moon.

 

“No one ever said it would be so hard….”

And so here we are, almost halfway through this first term of School and already I’m feeling the pressures of Motherhood as this new ‘role’ reaches new heights…

I have a dilemma. Not anywhere near as awful as I have experienced in the past, but enough to keep me on my toes none the less. What could be so troublesome I hear you ask… Well, I have a new job! I know! Exciting! Yes, very exciting, the perfect role for me too – a chance to share my ‘Baby Consultancy’ expertise with the general public, a step on the ladder to opening up a whole new life for us all. A role within the NHS, a truly magnificent corporation in my mind. Yes they have their share of bad press, but then, you can’t please all of the people all of the time can you? I, personally, think the NHS is a brilliant ‘trust’ that we, here on our tiny island, would be lost without! (not to mention completely broke!!)

Over the past two years I have spent a lot of time with NHS professionals and I must say, I take my hat off to the lot of them! Without them I’m not sure quite where this particular family would be…

Anyway, I digress (I’m good at that, you’ll come to understand this of me in good time!) the reason for my dilemma..?

This new job requires a meeting, which has been arranged for this Friday at 10.30am. I have arranged care of my darling Boy (with my wonderful and ever accommodating Mother – who else would I leave him with?!) and am all set with the relevant paperwork to get myself registered, checked and ID’d for the start of my new role. But. Here it is…

My Daughter’s Harvest Festival Assembly is the very same morning…! I know! How very typical of me to do this!!! And what, I ask of you, do I do?

I have two options:

1. I attend the meeting, missing said assembly (at which my Daughter is performing a song and a poem, both of which she recited beautifully for us this evening!) and risking upsetting my lovely, innocent girl…

2. I call to rearrange the meeting, therefore attending said assembly but running the risk of looking ever so slightly unprofessional before I’ve even begun..!

It has to be said, the song and poem are to be sung/recited along with the rest of the class, and in no way individual performances by my Daughter. I also attended last year’s Harvest Festival (having supplied the most impressive box full of home grown produce for auction – proceeds going to charity and not the school!) and, though lovely, it did drag on a little and I am beginning to wonder if my Son (seven months!) will even sit through this performance..? Oh what oh what do I do?? (Just for the record, she is up in her room as we speak, singing her lovely song in preparation of the ‘Big Day’… Oh yes, and she has said in no uncertain terms that she really really wants me to come to the assembly and that if I don’t make it to this one then it might just be “closed” afterwards!

The guilt!!!! Why don’t they prepare you for this at the Antenatal classes instead of stupid breathing exercises which you forget to do anyway ‘cos you’re in so much flipping pain it’s all you can do to just ‘breathe’ in the first place?!!!

And so it is, the first situation of ‘Family V’s Job’ that I find myself in… The first of many I’m certain. Quite possibly unavoidable had I had the Assembly written on the calendar in the first place!

Lesson to a ‘Busy Mum’ No.1. ALWAYS write EVERYTHING down as soon as I receive the info!!!

I shall sleep on it, quite possibly resulting in not very much sleep at all, but then this is something I have become quite used to since becoming a Mother – if it’s not the children keeping us Mum’s awake, it’s the guilt and worry that we’re doing everything as well as we can be, bringing our children up to be the best they possibly can be, the happiest they can be and, the most prepared for every eventuality they possibly can be! I guess I’ll be making a note of this particular lesson in order to pass it on to my Daughter the day she calls me to inform me that I am a Grandmother and she is the happiest she has ever been – for that is just the beginning is it not…

I wonder what you’re doing now,

You seem so far away,

Although we’ve been apart before

This feels the longest day!

 

Your shoes were good and shiny,

Your blazer freshly pressed,

Your shirt and tie so very crisp,

You surely looked the best!

 

I held your hand, you let me go,

You stood up tall in line,

I felt so very very proud,

That little girl is mine!

 

You walked on in, you led the way,

You never once looked back,

I held my tears until you’d gone,

I’m sure I’ll get the knack!

 

Your wings now spread a little more,

Your confidence has grown.

For now you have another life,

Away from me you’ve flown!

 

I’ll still be here to pick you up,

To help you tie your shoes.

This life for you has just begun,

Enjoy, you cannot lose!

I thought I’d start this blog as a way of keeping a record, if you like, of my busy life as ‘Mummy’ to our two remaining children. A record of their journey through this crazy life, of our happiness together as a surviving family. Survivors of devastation, grief and sorrow.

memory perhaps, for my children to look back on in years to come and find a deeper understanding of the ‘bigger picture’ of our life together… A happy memory for all of us here, of our simple though sometimes crazy, busy lives…

So who are we then? Well, there’s Me. Mummy. A badge I wear with great pride. A badge I feel honoured and privileged to own. Being a Mother is something which I have never taken for granted and will always consider to be something of a miracle. Parenthood is not a given and neither should it be taken lightly.

Then there’s Him. My rock. My shoulder. My other half. He completes me. Without him I would not be quite Me! Together we have taken, and are still taking, a journey I would not wish to have taken with any other, neither would any other wish to have ever taken with me, I am certain! We have experienced complete and utter devastation together. We have been to a place of pure Hell, I’m not sure you ever quite ‘come back’ from there? Together we have picked up the fragile pieces of what is left of ‘Us’ and continued along our rocky, un-eaven path together. We would not be with any other, there is no other we could ever take those times to who would ever truly understand where we have been… We are ‘Meant’.

And then of course, there’s ‘Them’. Without whom we would not be a ‘whole’.

Our Daughter, she has a light which shines from within. She has a quiet, gentle soul and a caring, thoughtful nature. She is always clean and everything has a place. She never colours outside of the lines and her hands are never dirty. She has an imagination which is developing with each and every day, with each and every experience. She takes life on board and has a sensible outlook. She has an elegance and grace about her. She will never be a great sportswoman, but she may be a beautiful and successful dancer. She will never be a world leader, but she may be one of our times great ‘thinkers’. She will see that things ‘get done’! She is here for great things. We watch with great intent…

And completing ‘us’ is our Son. He also has a light which shines from within. You can’t be in his company and not be happy. Life is funny and fun! Life is for living and he is already living it with both feet! He is living it for two. He has an energy which is contagious. He exudes life, love and happiness. He is our Rainbow and he shines with all the colours! He is meant for greatness. He is, as his name suggests, Most Wonderful.

So there we are, that is ‘Us’. A happy little family. ‘Perfect’ someone once described us as. “One of each, perfect” I will agree. Though when you know us better you will see that this is perhaps not quite the case, but for now I will agree. Perfect.

So what of our ‘lives’? Well, we’re pretty easy going. A simple, easy-living bunch. We have our work. He has his Garden, I have my ‘babies’. My own and those of others – I am a Baby Consultant by trade. I offer parenting advice thanks to years of experience through a very successful Nannying career (and of course, my own, first hand experience as Mummy). You can find that ‘other’ Me at thebabymanual.co.uk. We enjoy good old fashioned family time together. We’re still finding our feet here in the depths of Herefordshire (well, I’ve been pregnant for so long, ever since we moved here until 6 months ago when our Son finally joined us – and I don’t do pregnancy well! Life was pretty much on ‘hold’ for quite some time!) so our lives as it were are really only just getting started!

It’s funny that, life has really only just begun for us here, yet changed so dramatically already!

And for our most recent change – the starting of School – the ‘Dawning of a New Era’ as it were! Already this evening I have been doing something I thought was still some time away for me, though it has crept up on me when I wasn’t quite looking My back was turned and there it was. Uniform. Ironing. Hmm. Our Daughter has indeed started School! A huge milestone in anyones life. A time I was not altogether ready for. I have embraced it. I am accepting it. I will thrive from it no doubt. Just give me a couple more weeks to get my head around it and then I’ll be with you! I’ll be on that ‘Friends’ committee. I’ll be heading some fundraising event or other. I’ll be there at the ‘Mouse Racing evening’. I’ll be handing out the oranges at half time! Yes, give me a moment and I’ll be there! For this is where it all begins I’m sure…

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